Saying Goodbye

I made a Facebook post yesterday that began with “I can’t believe I am even typing these words.” 

Yesterday was a rotten, no good, terrible day. 

Yesterday, my best friend, an amazing woman I was fortunate enough to call my best friend for 9 years died.  She was 40 years old and she just died.  I can’t even make sense of it.  I can’t find words.  I am shattered. 

Catherine Meredith Coggeshall

10/14/74 - 06/09/2015 

Because I can’t seem to find the right things to say about her death, I want to talk about her life.  I think talking about her life is more important any way.  Her death is devastating, to be sure, but it’s her life that was important.  The impacts she made.  The good she did. 

I met her online, when we were both heavily into the blogging scene back in 2006.  We were both blogging under pseudonyms and we blogged every day because during the heyday of blogging, everyone needed to hear from you every single day, whether you had something substantial to say or not (/snark).  One of our fellow bloggers starting noticing that her posts were getting 100+ comments because we were all treating her comment section like a message board, interacting with each other, poking fun at each other, etc.  That blogger decided to create an actual message board to get us out of her comments.  Did I Say That? was born.  Catherine and I immediately went to the board, signed up and began spending our time there.  We ‘met’ and interacted with so many people there.  Many that I am still friends with today as well as her. 

 

In the summer of 2007, she and I began to really click and connect.  We were a foursome at that time, her, myself and two other ladies.  We became the gruesome foursome.  We were called a clique by those that weren’t part of our little group.  Truth was, we weren’t a clique.  Ever.  What we were was 4 grown women who grew very close, very quickly and were very verbal (on the internet) about it.  I can see from the outside that we probably did look cliquish.  Never our intent.  Later that year, I traveled to Kentucky and all 4 of us met for the first time.  It was magical. We continued to trade emails, text messages and the occasional video chat. 

In early 2009, our foursome had begun to fracture.  I can’t even point to one thing…we just all kind of grew apart.  We all “broke up”, but Catherine and I remained incredibly tight.  So tight, we decided to take a 5 day cruise.  We’d met in person less than half a dozen times at that point and we were about to get on a ship, sharing a room that is 146 square feet (including the bathroom).  We both basically said, “Well, we’ll find out if we are meant to be besties or not with this trip.”

We never looked back.  We took another one in late 2010, far south Caribbean, 7 days.  Just as magical.  I was supposed to take a cruise with her in April of this year, but due to her knee problems, she decided not to go, while she was in physical therapy trying to rehab her knees.  She was coming here in September, so we could go just spend 5 days laying at the beach.

 

 We met a freaking Osmond on the cruise in 2010!!!  AN OSMOND! 

 

We were the poster child of “you CAN be different and actually get along”!  She was a hardcore liberal.  When we met I was Republican (I am no longer….but several years ago I was).  She went to church on Sundays.  Last time I was in church….I can’t even remember when that was.  She listened to weird 90s college radio music and I don’t.  Hell, we didn’t even like the same movies.  However, we fit.  Like the pieces of a puzzle.  They are all different, yet they all lock together.  They all fit.  We fit. 

 

Seriously.  We fit.

(and yes, that is a solo cup full of wine...don't judge)

I had the privilege of being her maid of honor at her wedding in the fall of 2012.  It was the very first time anyone has ever asked me to do that and I was touched and honored.  Of course, she was to be MY maid of honor when I get married soon.  She was a beautiful bride.  I was with her when she found her wedding dress (how special!!!), she asked my opinion on nearly everything about that wedding.  It was a great day.  We had stress, we had fun, we had tears, we had it all that day.  I got to help her pee right before the ceremony (which, let me tell you, in her dress, wasn’t easy and was something only a sibling/parent/bestie can do). 

Literally a momentary breather before the ceremony.  We had just peed. 

It was an exertion and we needed to take a moment.  LOL

      Mr. & Mrs. Coggeshall

I got to do so many things with her.  Got to.  Not had to.  I got to.  I saw my very first drag queen show with her (and several more afterward).  I got to get dressed up at Halloween and go to a great party with her.  I got to go the Smokey Mountains with her for a long weekend (which involved moonshine, which we don’t speak of….ever).  I got to know her.  I got to spend time with her.  I got to love her.  I was so fortunate. 

Words can never express how much I loved her.  How much she meant to me.  In the last few years, due to some similar life circumstances between us, we got closer than blood relatives.  I am only child.  She has one sibling, but considerably younger than her, so she always kind of felt a bit like an only child.  We both considered each other sisters.  Blood didn’t matter.  That woman was my sister in every way possible except biological.  I would do anything for her, and she for me.  We never fought.  We never had a single spat.  We were perfect.     

And today, she’s gone.  I picked up my phone three times this morning to text her.  It’s my habit, in the morning when I’m getting ready for work.  I live in an obnoxiously large city.  That means that every morning, there is at least one ridiculous story on the morning news.  I would text her the crazy of the day.  I’ve started multiple emails to her this morning at work as was our habit.  It’s not clicked in my head that she’s just gone and won’t respond.  Simply cannot wrap my head around it. 

 I’m in touch with her family but don’t know of any arrangements that have been made yet as far as the funeral.  I do know, however, that she would really like people to donate to a worthy cause in her name, if one is so inclined to donate.  She was a longtime volunteer/mentor at GirlsIncorporated of Greater Indianapolis.  She truly believed in the work that organization was doing and was honored to get to mentor these young ladies in the program.  If you are one of those people who wish to donate in her name, please do so securely online here, or you can put a check in the mail to the organization at the following address: 

Girls Inc, Greater Indianapolis

3935 North Meridian Street

Indianapolis, IN 46208

Mark it for "In Memoriam of Catherine Coggeshall"

 

She called Girls Inc YESTERDAY morning to make arrangements to come volunteer for a big summer event they are getting ready to kick off.  She passed away a few hours later.  She loved this organization and would love to see them get some donations in her name if you feel inclined. 

 

Goodnight my sweet friend.  I love you with all my heart and soul.  It will take some time for me not to rush to my phone to call/text/email you with good news (she was the first person I told about my recent engagement), with silly news stories, with frustrating work situations, with pictures of great mullets (seriously, we were professional mullet hunters) and whatever hot mess was on Maury today.  May the angels carry you to Heaven.  Look out for me.  I need a guardian angel. 

 

You are my spirit animal.  You are loved.  You are missed. 

 

Catherine and myself at her husbands 35th birthday 3 years ago.