It's Been 20 Days

Tonight, out of the blue, Catherine's husband sent me a text with the following picture:

A drawing that hung on her wall

This hung on her living room wall for the longest time.  It was something she had made through an Etsy shop (maybe??) several years ago, back when i was still blonde!  LOL

It's this kind of thing that just sinks me.  And as bad as it is for me, I can only imagine it is a bajillion times worse for her husband.  He reached out tonight because he's just as lost as I am.  We are so far away geographically that I can't check in with him, physically go see him, etc.  I feel so bad for him.  My depth of pain is crushing.  His must be absolutely stifling.

Catherine was cremated, as was her wishes.  At the funeral he had mentioned a plan for us all to get together in Michigan to spread her ashes.  I am going to begin the process of planning a fall trip to Detroit to spend a weekend with her husband, her childhood friend and her husband and Catherine's spirit.  I am so looking forward to it.

I'll Adkins If I Want To!

I innocently remarked on FB earlier today that I was contemplating (contemplating, not doing it) doing the Adkins diet.  I've gained some weight recently that I'd like to take back off.  I chose Adkins because I am already nearly carb-free due to my weight loss surgery from 20 years ago.  It would be the easiest to ease myself into because it won't be such a shock to my system.  Plus?  Bacon.  Lots of it.  Bacon.  I'm down with ANY diet that says "Please, here, eat some more bacon!". 

Of all my loving, supportive and wonderful friends, I was super shocked to see so many people commenting negative things.  "You need a lifestyle change, not a diet!"  "The minute you stop the diet you will gain it all back!"  "It will not work!" 

What the hell people?  What happened to being supportive?  Or at least asking the person (me in this case) if I had done any research on it (for the record, yes, I have...a lot of it) before just making some wild assumption because you or someone you know tried it and had less than stellar results. 

Hey, newsflash.  Every single persons body is 100% different from everybody else's.  There is not one answer.  Some diets work well with some folks, and some don't.  Our body chemistry is all so different; so much so that low carbing may work for me, and not you, while Nazi-like calorie restriction may work for you, and not me. 

So, with that said, I will be starting something come Monday.  I need to grocery shop this weekend for the fresh veggies I need, plus, it's a holiday weekend here in the States, and my SO's college buddy and his family will be in town this weekend.  There will be bad eating (but ooooh so good!) and I will not feel bad about it.  :)  Then Monday.....we diet.  Planning another cruise for next year.  Can't do it this fat again.  :) 

Look At All the Cute Things!

I love Amiguri!  Amiguri projects work up super quick and are fun to gift!  Aren't these adorable?  Go make one today!

Moogly - GO!  :) 

When Is Enough Enough?

I have been a funk.  But  you'd never know it.  I have put on a smile.  I have put on a brave face.  I think part of it is because I don't feel like I have the right to be so grief stricken and part of it is the way some people are treating me like I don't have a right.  She wasn't my family.  She wasn't a blood relative.  She was just a friend.  Why can't I just get over it?

Just a friend.  Whatever.  Get over it.  Whatever.

I have been trying to keep busy to keep my mind from going there.  I'm running out of things.  Every time I turn around, there is something that reminds me of her.  That is how saturated our friendship was.  I found a counted cross stitch pattern I was planning to do for her for Christmas, and I sobbed uncontrollably.  I can't take a breath without thinking of her in a thousand little ways.

The question I'm most often asked is "Are you alright?"

The answer is "no".

But I don't feel like I'm allowed to say that, you know?  But the truth is, I'm not alright.  I'm the farthest thing from alright that can be.  Is my pain the deepest?  No.  Not by a long shot.  Is my pain less essential?  No, not by a long shot either.

I'm in that weird nether land.  Everyone expects her sibling, her parents, her spouse to be destroyed. But with me, everyone kind of looks at me like, "So......you were just her friend."

Just her friend.  Whatever.

That just a friend was my sister.  My family.  And she is just suddenly gone.  Like, what the fuck just happened, gone.  I still haven't fully processed this.  Yet, I'm expected to just be "over it" by now.  I mean, it's been nearly 2 weeks, why aren't I over it?  Why are my mopey posts on FB continuing?

BECAUSE I'M STILL SAD.

And I'm allowed to be sad.  Period.  

Enter To Win Red Heart Swag!

I am a crafter by nature.  I dabble in a bit of everything, but really, it's crochet and cross stitch that I enjoy the most.  Right now, it's a lot of crochet.  :)  It's a fun relaxing hobby.  Plus, I end up with beautiful things I can either gift or keep.  Win/win.

I run a group on FB, The Crochet & Knitters Nook.  It began as a group formed during the Winter Olympics in 2014.  A friend of mine had mentioned that her and her friends would do what they called the "Knitters Olympics" since they all enjoyed watching the games.  They would pick a pattern and would begin it right as the opening ceremonies began.  The goal was to be completely finished by the end of the games, 3 weeks later.  It was a lot of fun, and we found that we just kind of hung out there afterward.  So, I kept it open and changed the name so it wasn't so centered around that one event.  If you are on FB and you are a yarn-head crafter like me, please feel free to join.  It's a closed group so you have to ask to join, but that keeps our spammy spam spam to a bare minimum.  It's a fun, relaxed group.  We share our accomplishments, ask questions, seek help with projects, share our frustrations and share patterns we've found that others might like.  AND, we share giveaways.  That is why I'm writing today. 



Total Swag Bag

 

This giveaway is being done by Trifles N Treasures.  It includes the Twilight and Infinity Red Heart Yarns you see there (and over at Trifles N Treasures, she has already written up a pattern for each - a cowl for one and a beanie for the other), that bag which is large and has 5 outside pockets, perfect for carrying your things about, and what I'm most interested in - a digital stitch counter.  You put it on your finger (the one you hold the hook with) like a watch, and as you start a new row, you push the button and it counts.  Never ever lose track and have to go back and recount your rows again!  This is especially helpful if you are working something with small, tight stitches.  Those can be so hard to count! 

Anyway, please do click through here and go enter this giveaway.  She's running it via ROFLCOPTER and there are only 2 days to get your entries in. 

 

Good luck!!!  

 

Giving A Eulogy

I’ve never given a eulogy before.  It is an unbelievably surreal experience.  Standing in that church on Saturday, in front of so many people I know and some I didn’t (but do now), trying to speak the words to say good bye.  To adequately describe how much she meant to me and how much I love her.  I’m not sure that I was entirely successful because just like how you can’t bottle sunshine, there is no way to fully capture those feelings.  I did my best.  I got through it.  When I was done speaking, her brother hugged me, before he spoke.  Just when you think your heart is incapable of breaking any further apart, or hurting any more, your best friends brother hugs you and it’s all over again. 

The church service was very beautiful.  And it was more of a celebration of her life, rather than some somber, maudlin event.  Don’t get me wrong.  It was sad.  Probably the saddest thing I’ve had to do in 25 years.  But we spent time in the church together enjoying our memories of her, laughing about things she had said or done.  It was truly a celebration of her life and I think she would have approved.  The only thing that would have been better is if they played either Journey or Bob Seeger music at the service.  J 

I got a thousand hugs on Saturday and I owe a thousand thanks.  I met so many people that know me....because of her.  Because she told them about me, and how much she loved me.  It was incredibly comforting to hear. 

 

I’ve decided to publish my words, what I struggled to say at her funeral, since so many of her friends that are also my friends were not able to attend the funeral to say good bye in person.  Please, please feel free to leave a comment, tell me a favorite story about Catherine.  Something that touched you.  Something that made you laugh.  Your favorite thing about her.  Share with me. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Catherine was my very best friend and I loved her with all my heart and soul.  She was the most kind, gentle, caring person I’ve ever met.  She had the biggest heart and enjoyed serving her community through various local charity volunteer work.  She made a difference in others lives and was proud to do so.

She was the smartest person I know.  Seriously.  Super, super smart.  During the 9 years we were friends, she chose to go back to school full time, while still working full time, to get her Masters Degree.  She wanted me to call her “Master Catherine” when she was done (this statement got a giggle out of the crowd, but it is absolutely true….she really wanted me to call her that!  ha – cheeky little girl!).  She did this more to push herself than for career advancement; although, she wouldn’t have turned that down!  She just wanted to see if she could do it.  She was incredibly successful at school, as she was in most things in her life. 

We traveled together.  After only knowing each other for a short time, we decided to test the new friendship waters and take a cruise.  5 days locked in a tiny stateroom cabin with someone you ultimately discover you DON’T like can be miserable.  Fortunately for us, all that first trip did was cement the fact that we were meant to be together.  Yin and Yang.  Frick and Frack.  Peanut butter and jelly.  (I lost it here….)

She was the biggest champion for equal rights I have ever known.  Fighting loudly and voraciously (she would have been proud of me for using a 50¢ college word there!) in support of others that did not have a voice.  She believed that everyone on this planet, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, had to have a voice, to be heard.  If they couldn’t do it, she would. 

(losing it biiiiiig time here)

I cannot believe we are all gathered here today to say goodbye to such a bright, shining star in our lives.  She was my best friend, my sister, my soulmate and she will be so so incredibly missed every single day.

Goodnight Catherine.  I love you so very very much. 

 

 

Saying Goodbye

I made a Facebook post yesterday that began with “I can’t believe I am even typing these words.” 

Yesterday was a rotten, no good, terrible day. 

Yesterday, my best friend, an amazing woman I was fortunate enough to call my best friend for 9 years died.  She was 40 years old and she just died.  I can’t even make sense of it.  I can’t find words.  I am shattered. 

Catherine Meredith Coggeshall

10/14/74 - 06/09/2015 

Because I can’t seem to find the right things to say about her death, I want to talk about her life.  I think talking about her life is more important any way.  Her death is devastating, to be sure, but it’s her life that was important.  The impacts she made.  The good she did. 

I met her online, when we were both heavily into the blogging scene back in 2006.  We were both blogging under pseudonyms and we blogged every day because during the heyday of blogging, everyone needed to hear from you every single day, whether you had something substantial to say or not (/snark).  One of our fellow bloggers starting noticing that her posts were getting 100+ comments because we were all treating her comment section like a message board, interacting with each other, poking fun at each other, etc.  That blogger decided to create an actual message board to get us out of her comments.  Did I Say That? was born.  Catherine and I immediately went to the board, signed up and began spending our time there.  We ‘met’ and interacted with so many people there.  Many that I am still friends with today as well as her. 

 

In the summer of 2007, she and I began to really click and connect.  We were a foursome at that time, her, myself and two other ladies.  We became the gruesome foursome.  We were called a clique by those that weren’t part of our little group.  Truth was, we weren’t a clique.  Ever.  What we were was 4 grown women who grew very close, very quickly and were very verbal (on the internet) about it.  I can see from the outside that we probably did look cliquish.  Never our intent.  Later that year, I traveled to Kentucky and all 4 of us met for the first time.  It was magical. We continued to trade emails, text messages and the occasional video chat. 

In early 2009, our foursome had begun to fracture.  I can’t even point to one thing…we just all kind of grew apart.  We all “broke up”, but Catherine and I remained incredibly tight.  So tight, we decided to take a 5 day cruise.  We’d met in person less than half a dozen times at that point and we were about to get on a ship, sharing a room that is 146 square feet (including the bathroom).  We both basically said, “Well, we’ll find out if we are meant to be besties or not with this trip.”

We never looked back.  We took another one in late 2010, far south Caribbean, 7 days.  Just as magical.  I was supposed to take a cruise with her in April of this year, but due to her knee problems, she decided not to go, while she was in physical therapy trying to rehab her knees.  She was coming here in September, so we could go just spend 5 days laying at the beach.

 

 We met a freaking Osmond on the cruise in 2010!!!  AN OSMOND! 

 

We were the poster child of “you CAN be different and actually get along”!  She was a hardcore liberal.  When we met I was Republican (I am no longer….but several years ago I was).  She went to church on Sundays.  Last time I was in church….I can’t even remember when that was.  She listened to weird 90s college radio music and I don’t.  Hell, we didn’t even like the same movies.  However, we fit.  Like the pieces of a puzzle.  They are all different, yet they all lock together.  They all fit.  We fit. 

 

Seriously.  We fit.

(and yes, that is a solo cup full of wine...don't judge)

I had the privilege of being her maid of honor at her wedding in the fall of 2012.  It was the very first time anyone has ever asked me to do that and I was touched and honored.  Of course, she was to be MY maid of honor when I get married soon.  She was a beautiful bride.  I was with her when she found her wedding dress (how special!!!), she asked my opinion on nearly everything about that wedding.  It was a great day.  We had stress, we had fun, we had tears, we had it all that day.  I got to help her pee right before the ceremony (which, let me tell you, in her dress, wasn’t easy and was something only a sibling/parent/bestie can do). 

Literally a momentary breather before the ceremony.  We had just peed. 

It was an exertion and we needed to take a moment.  LOL

      Mr. & Mrs. Coggeshall

I got to do so many things with her.  Got to.  Not had to.  I got to.  I saw my very first drag queen show with her (and several more afterward).  I got to get dressed up at Halloween and go to a great party with her.  I got to go the Smokey Mountains with her for a long weekend (which involved moonshine, which we don’t speak of….ever).  I got to know her.  I got to spend time with her.  I got to love her.  I was so fortunate. 

Words can never express how much I loved her.  How much she meant to me.  In the last few years, due to some similar life circumstances between us, we got closer than blood relatives.  I am only child.  She has one sibling, but considerably younger than her, so she always kind of felt a bit like an only child.  We both considered each other sisters.  Blood didn’t matter.  That woman was my sister in every way possible except biological.  I would do anything for her, and she for me.  We never fought.  We never had a single spat.  We were perfect.     

And today, she’s gone.  I picked up my phone three times this morning to text her.  It’s my habit, in the morning when I’m getting ready for work.  I live in an obnoxiously large city.  That means that every morning, there is at least one ridiculous story on the morning news.  I would text her the crazy of the day.  I’ve started multiple emails to her this morning at work as was our habit.  It’s not clicked in my head that she’s just gone and won’t respond.  Simply cannot wrap my head around it. 

 I’m in touch with her family but don’t know of any arrangements that have been made yet as far as the funeral.  I do know, however, that she would really like people to donate to a worthy cause in her name, if one is so inclined to donate.  She was a longtime volunteer/mentor at GirlsIncorporated of Greater Indianapolis.  She truly believed in the work that organization was doing and was honored to get to mentor these young ladies in the program.  If you are one of those people who wish to donate in her name, please do so securely online here, or you can put a check in the mail to the organization at the following address: 

Girls Inc, Greater Indianapolis

3935 North Meridian Street

Indianapolis, IN 46208

Mark it for "In Memoriam of Catherine Coggeshall"

 

She called Girls Inc YESTERDAY morning to make arrangements to come volunteer for a big summer event they are getting ready to kick off.  She passed away a few hours later.  She loved this organization and would love to see them get some donations in her name if you feel inclined. 

 

Goodnight my sweet friend.  I love you with all my heart and soul.  It will take some time for me not to rush to my phone to call/text/email you with good news (she was the first person I told about my recent engagement), with silly news stories, with frustrating work situations, with pictures of great mullets (seriously, we were professional mullet hunters) and whatever hot mess was on Maury today.  May the angels carry you to Heaven.  Look out for me.  I need a guardian angel. 

 

You are my spirit animal.  You are loved.  You are missed. 

 

Catherine and myself at her husbands 35th birthday 3 years ago.

 

 



PinchMe!

Do you like free things?  Of course you do - who doesn't like free things? 

In my never ending quest to discover new products and if I can, get them for free while doing so, I have stumbled across a site called PinchMe.  You answer some pretty standard questions about the things you use regularly, or about things you might be interested in trying, then the magicians inside of PinchMe create a list of free offers for you to select from.  I just signed up and filled my first basket with 4 items.  Some Gold Bond sensitive skin lotion (my fiancé works in food, so he is constantly washing his hands...they are so busted it's unreal), some concentrated Lipton sweet tea mix, some ZzzQuil and some vitamins. They will magically appear in 21 days or so.

My responsibility, upon receipt, is to use the products and then talk about them.  That's it.  All I have to do is leave my feedback about the product on the PinchMe website and I'm done!  I get to fill another basket with 4 new items.  There are also TONS of coupon opportunities on the website if you are into saving a few pennies on something you were going to buy any way.

Best part?  There is literally no money involved.  It is 100% free to you, even the shipping.  You never have to provide a credit card or any other kind of payment method.  Product companies use a company like PinchMe to provide them with valuable market research on their products.  Research like that in the market place is invaluable to product companies, so they pay companies like PinchMe to find the audience for their product.  That is where you come in!  Be that audience!
 
If you are into free stuff (and again, who isn't?), click on any place up there where I said PinchMe and it will take you to their page so you can check it out for yourself!  Drop me a comment and let me know if you signed up!     

Hello Again!

I've been absent.  For nearly TWO YEARS.  Wow.  Things got crazy stressful here a couple years ago with some impending (and stupid) job changes that may eventually put me out of this job that I've had for 18 years.  While I don't love it, I do love the paycheck, the health insurance, etc.  The market is so bad for people looking to find work.  So, I'll just keep on keeping on over here and pray that the impending doom over my head at work finally vanishes soon. 

As I am picking this blog back up, I'm also picking up Influenster again.  I just spent an hour answering 'snaps' at the site to get my preferences back up so I can potentially get on some new campaigns. 

In the mean time, here's a PUPPY!

Seriously.....so so cute!

 

This little angel is Shelby.  She is a 3 month old shar pei/shnoodle mix (a shnoodle is a mix of a schnauzer and a poodle).  Can you even stand it??  Her body is all slick and soft, with fur like a shar pei, but her feet and her face are like a schnauzer.  Right now she is into terrorizing my elderly dog (who just saunters into a corner and avoids her) and my 4 year old minpin/chihuahua, chewing on EVERYTHING and peeing on the floor, but we are working on all of that. 

 

So anyhow, just wanted to pop in and say helllllllo!  :D